my darling amma
Lovely Amma ,
I know I am a princess, a princess you have nurtured and nourished in such a terrific way that she must become a wonderful woman in her youth.
You want to hold me, call me your priceless possession, and want me to learn every possible thing which will make my in-laws happy. But that’s not how it works, this holding, caring is love but that does restrain me from flying.
I have been listening to your all stories of fairytales and prince rescuing the princess in damsel and damn I was in love with that idea.
I think I have been a wonderful child with respect to the ideology you taught us and the rules which decided our life pattern. But Ma, the rules never bounded my inner soul which has become a rebel. A rebel from the heart for the changed idea of my own life in my mind.
But MAA, why wouldn’t you tell me the stories of all the ladies you worship as goddesses? They fought the war alone. They never waited for their respective partners to show up.
You never told me that SHIVA has no powers without SHAKTI. When I learned the history I have known, one thing that every strong woman fight their own mind first then fight the world and trust me not having a partner isn’t that bad, Nobody rescued them, no one went down on their one knee with a ring and still, they are who they are without the MAN of life.
Who do I aspire to be that actress from the tv who cries on every single thing or than women in movie who goes for trekking and come back without misplacing a hair on her head and then is ready to cook the meal for 10? All this because she is a female protagonist and that’s what females do. That’s how we are being represented and that’s not how I want my daughter to look up to me.
I am a female. Yes, a human too. Why can’t I have my own personal breathing space without offending someone? why my liberal thoughts are seen as a problem, not progress?
Darling Amma, I hope you read this one day and understand it too that we have been living in a man-oriented world. That doesn’t mean a girl can not compete with anybody without being a man.
Society talks and I know that bothers you a lot. But because society talks about why I am being taught to lower my aspiration and try learning things I have zero interest?
I know we have experienced different things even if we stay under the same roof but that is why there is a thing called perspective.
There is no harm in accepting our own flaws and having dark circles or some pores on your face. I will never hide my dark circles and the faded mark of my last cut because that’s how I have learned to be strong they speak volumes about my miserable nights. These scars are my own personal experience and yes in any way a teacher too.
Yes mother you brought me up the same way any mother would do but I don’t want to settle down with the same ideology. I understand the difference in our generation ideology too. Even if we try we can never be friends because I will never be able to bring my self to that point where I have to speak my insecurities in front of you.
But I want you to know that feeding my husband and raising my kid and settling down with a government job isn’t my only capability. And having desires doesn’t make me a wrong woman. This is how we evolve. I don’t expect you to go on a war for me but when I say my mind and take a stand for myself stop asking me to SHUT UP… Stop asking me to not become a wonderful woman who is also a dreamer…
I don’t want to be a scientist a doctor or someone with a degree. I have my own idea of living my everyday life and that’s how I want it to be.
Sometimes I feel the society gets offended by me but Amma that’s the last thing I can give up from my side to make it better.
Having said that I must tell you what a wonderful and fulfilling woman and mother you have been and yes I know I lack this quality. But then, a woman is not always a superwoman she can have flaws too.
I can be a drama queen than in the next moment hysterical but it’s allowed because I am a woman.
— With Love Your offended princess.